Today, bipeds everywhere in the States (the only country in the world that takes pride in having screwed up celebrations such as…), celebrate Employee Appreciation Day. Oh joy! Or, as Americans like to say, what a happiness! (Well, except the damned ‘I love you’ every two other seconds, which actually keeps me high!) So get ready for the fireworks, and find that kissable employee to appreciate all through the day. Just today. Come on, make that effort. Then go back to your usual self, you ungrateful son of a… human!
Sooooo, we learn from unnamed sources, that Employee Appreciation Day has taken place on the first Friday of every March since 1995. I wonder why… Obviously this day was NOT chosen by hard working employees, who work on Fridays less than other days by default, but by their employers, who don’t want to lose production on other important days of the week. Like Mondays, when nobody enjoys working anyway.
These are some of the things happening in the PR industry today, marking this important event in everyday cubicle life: Margery Kraus rewarded all her employees with supplementary hours. However, to keep face, and in the heat of the moment she gave all female employees Lynx products, and all men Always dailies. Not that the difference matters, anyway, but it shows how much she appreciates her employees.
99designs pulled the Libya card, and decided to give their 100th design back to their employees. A crowdsourced Amazon gift card lookalike created in stunning high gloss Euro-trash design regalia (total value not to exceed two dollars, or whatever the lowest bid be) was bestowed upon the company’s three employees. Rumor has it that the employees left the building soon after.
BP awarded ex CEO Tony Hayward the ebony tar-ball award, for his dedication and unparalleled gift of excellence to the BP board and millions of customers worldwide. Along the same lines, Barack Obama awarded Admiral Thad William Allen the Jules Verne twenty thousand leagues under the sea leg of the golden octopus magical man made disaster disappearing act award for an act no less impressive that Charlton Heston (in parenthesis now Moses) parting the Red Sea, and then drowning the Pharaoh and his hordes. Not to mention pulling the wool (not sheep’s!) over the eyes of three hundred million people. Now that’s more impressive than David Copperfield!
Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama (uh huh hum), although few people believe she is actually the boss, rewarded Barack early this morning, with a not-for-prime-time treat. Lucky Barack, and lucky Libya. I rest my case.
Charlie Sheen showed his appreciation for his two goddesses, by giving them three months salary in advance, and marking each with his pistol on the arm, respectively leg (his version of a tramp-stamp) – we are still waiting for pictures from our source to confirm the branding.
Kim Kardashian fired Bruce Jenner yesterday, and hired him back today, then sang for him until he willingly resigned. But before his resignation, he was lucky enough to receive Groupon coupons for a new cosmetic surgery treatment.