Soon to Be Released, Jessica Seinfeld’s “How to Get Sheep to Eat Candy” Cookbook

jessica seinfeld book

It’s quiet in our offices, and late at night. I am all alone here, happy, at peace. Time to do something for my soul. So, I run over the fields of the web in search of something green, crunchy, healthy and tasty. Instead I find news of Jessica Seinfeld (famous for being fellow ram Jerry Seinfeld’s wife), Missy Chase Lapine and purees. The two self-proclaimed guru-chefs had a legal dispute about “secrets on how to get children to eat vegetables.” Both illuminate minds suggested purees (and other boiled tricks). No biggie, the court said, sending Missy home: “stockpiling vegetable purees for covert use in children’s food is an idea that cannot be copyrighted.” At the end of the trial it was still unclear how to get children to eat fresh vegetables. Both books could not clarify the mystery either.

jessica seinfeld cookbook

But elated of her victory, Jessica Seinfeld immediately announced a new cookbook, with a simpler title than “Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food,” namely “How to Get Sheep to Eat Candy.” There was a short dispute over the title: the writer had all intention to call this “Chef’s Dirty Little Secrets: How to Get Sheep to Eat Candy Through Motivational Speech and Hypnosis” but publicist’s fear of a new trial versus Missy Chase Lapine (author of renowned “The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids’ Favorite Meals”) prevented the disaster. Plus that no breeder (or chef for that matter) would ever buy a book with a title they cannot understand.

So everybody agreed that there was no need for “deceptive” secrets in this one. It’s common knowledge that sheep hate candy, but they need it as part as a more productive diet. Think about it: if giving children boiled veggies is healthy, encouraged practice, then giving sheep candy should fall into the same class. The milk would be sweeter, the cheese would already have the ingredients needed by MacDonald s to make their foods even more addictive… And I will not even mention what sheep poop could taste like! In fact, many breeders and shepherds already asked Seinfeld’s publicists for free excerpts and free recipes. We got a few exclusives for you too:

Dip wheat in maple syrup, or serve whole grain Special K without milk.

And our favorite: sprinkle caster sugar over pile of hay.

Yummy! Or yucky… I still cannot make up my mind. Going to the green fields to contemplate this further. Sheepy out!

Editor’s note: Sheepy writes satirical editorials. Everything PR has not power over the sheep, and can not edit, modify, delete or otherwise censor Sheepy materials. If you want to post a comment, do it at your own risk, and always remember that you will be, in fact, talking to a sheep.