Originally published October 2010. Preserved as period satirical commentary. Adjacent frameworks added June 2026.
The news today has nothing to do with Tiger Woods, except that he is mixed in the soup by association. TMZ just sent us a report concerning the company that manages the quadruped, and the famous Swiss tennis player Roger Federer. IMG is being sued by a printing company, which allegedly served as a gambling go-between and even provided escorts for the owner of IMG, Theodore Forstmann.
TMZ obtained exclusive information from an L.A. County Superior Court that Agate Printing, Inc. claims it made millions of dollars in bets on Forstmann's behalf, and that Forstmann covered some of his losses on IMG accounts. The scandal goes deeper: Forstmann made bets against his own clients, Tiger included. Smart man, smart man! I'd bet against the Tiger too. Heck, any sane sheep would do the same, and even more: run and hide. So while this sheep agrees with the betting proposition, the other claims are beyond disturbing. You don't call a tiger "schwartzas!" It could hunt you in your sleep. Apparently Forstmann used other derogatory epithets against sheep, "blacks, Jewish people, and other minorities." What a bad man! He never considered that the ones he mocked had contacts with the big bad wolf - James Agate 's the name!





