Just Enough Reasons to Hate GameStop

J. Paul Raines, evil CEO of GameStop

This holiday season, wouldn’t it be nice if every business that ever gave you the shaft got hammered with a lawsuit? Well, this was my immediate thought when I heard GameStop is being sued by employees. Tis the season to be jolly, after all, and the hope that greedy corporations get the scrooge treatment is still alive.

GameStop everything-pr

Anyone who is a parent has probably, at one time or another, cursed just about every video game manufacturer on the planet. I am not sure if anyone has measured the impact on family income video games have, but from personal experience? I could be wearing a Rolex, maybe even driving a Shelby. But buying the kids expensive toys is not the rub really, now is it? What rubs me the wrong way is how quickly the skillful little buggers beat the confounded games. Three days, four max, and it’s; “Hey Dad, can we go to GameStop to trade for True Crime – Hong  Kong?” GAMESTOP! GOD!

Okay, on the face of it, GameStop does not seem like a bad deal. When one considers having just forked over $60 or more, for something their kid will enjoy for like, what? 72 hours? A parent might as well offer the little ones a hit off a crack pipe. Except for the devastating physicological and psychological effects, the moral dilemma, buying kids video games is about the same thing. Hey, later on someone will prove video games are worse, probably. But, back to GameStop. What’s so bad about them? Don’t get me started.

Beside all the criticism for “gutting” games, other than allegedly breaking California law in failing to give employees proper breaks etc., GameStop also:

  • Is highway robbery sanctioned by parents who love their kids too much
  • Is a den of aggravated geeks determined to make parents mad and take their money
  • Is capitalistic greed run rampant
  • CEO J. Paul Raines (upper left) looks like a crime boss
  • Did I mention they make me mad?

Okay, you’re 16 and reading this. Aren’t parents entitled to rants of rage too? Did I mention GameStop makes me angry? $60 bucks for some over-hyped creation by people who resemble Neo from The Matrix, and three days later some acne infested, orange hair, nose ring dude slyly offers $20 for the used copy. “It’s a pretty good deal man. I mean, ya know, back in the day you guys couldn’t get squat for Monopoly. Haha.” Gut punching annoying GameStop employees should be legal, at least in the South.

Meanwhile, Junior is all antsy, wringing his little joystick grubbing hands in anticipation of Pop forking over another $40 to go with the $20, for some more digital narcotic. And the GameStop manager, all 19 years of him, acts cool behind the counter.

Wait a minute! These bozos are suing GameStop in California for not getting proper breaks! Now there’s some damned justice. Lazy bag men, suing DA MAN, for not getting a decent break while frisking customers. Holy Toledo, I am torn between who should win out. Did I say I hate GameStop? They should love me. You know why?

Buying video games at GameStop is not the greatest evil in the world. It’s actually less evil than buying them from Walmart. I won’t go on a Walmart tirade here. It’s not even so bad handing over your hard earned money to people who need a punch in the face more than Clearasil, some GameStop employees are very nice. You want to know what makes GameStop so despicable? It’s not the game rush on Black Friday. It’s not Christmas Eve “prayer” shopping in the hope GameStop has that last copy of Junior’s beloved Final Fantasy Whatever.

With a board of directors made up of people with names like; Stanley P. (Mickey) Steinberg, Gerald R. Szczepanski, the highly compensated Daniel A. DeMatteo, and a gang of other Forbes dignitaries, GameStop could as easily be Goldman Sachs. Mickey Steinberg? No wonder they make me mad, his name alone is enough to bring back schoolyard nightmares.

The evil is. When Junior gets so bored, in the “dead spaces” in between game releases, and begs to buy the same used copy you sold GameStop after Christmas. Damnit! Did I mention I hate GameStop? Anyway, I have to run out now and get a copy of Elder Scrolls V Skyrim, my kid’s driving me crazy. “I wonder if GameStop has a used copy?”

Crenshaw Communications works with Gamestop on select PR issues.

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