An Attention Whore’s Guide to Facebook

Admit it, you love attention. Attention means everything to you, be it for any legitimate reason and noble cause, or just because you are a so-called attention whore.

Facebook has been made for catching people’s attention – so why not hone your Facebook attention whoring skills using these tips.

Attention whores

See how far you are willing to go for the sake of getting all the attention you can attract!

1. Fill out as many details as you feel comfortable. Fill out your location, your education and work places, all the places you ever went to on the Facebook Map. Fill out your birth date – on your birthday all your friends will see a notification and this is an extra chance for you to grab a bit of people’s attention, even if it’s only once a year. Pro tip for die-hard attention whores: change your birth date every now and then for extra exposure, nobody will remember what the real date was anyway!

2. Import all your email contacts. Import all your mobile contacts. Connect your Facebook account to your Twitter and try to befriend all your Twitter contacts on Facebook as well. Set your Twitter account updates to post to your Facebook timeline.

3. Like things other people post and post comments on other people’s updates as often as you can – all your activity of this kind, along with your actual status updates, displays in your friends’ sidebar:

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4. Stay online as much as you can – if you are online you appear in your friends’ sidebar contact list. If you cannot stay online on your computer, connect to Facebook via your smartphone.

5. Go beyond friends – make sure your updates are set to public. Doesn’t matter if you’re just posting a picture of your dinner or an update on how drunk you were last night. Surely there are risks that eventually you may attract the wrong kind of attention, like that of stalkers or potential employers checking you out before rejecting your job application – but you’re after any kind of attention, right?

6. Participate in as many different activities and use as many Facebook apps as you can (listen to the music, play games, etc.) – whatever you do and your achievements in each of these activities and apps will end up being visible to your friends!

7. Like all the sponsored links that are shown to you by Facebook – likely they will also end up getting shown to your friends and they will see you have liked them.

8. RSVP any events you see – even if you’re going to say you’re not going. But better yet, say “Maybe” – most people either go or don’t, those two will end up begin long lists, but only a few weirdos like you will say “Maybe”.

9. Create events, even if they are just fictitious events. Invite all your friends to those events.

10. Change your relationship status often – even if it’s going from “it’s complicated” to “it’s even more complicated” (if whoever you’re in a relationship with is also on Facebook, chances are it will indeed go from complicated to even more complicated – but the bright side is that all your friends will see the notifications of your new status!)

11. Create a page. Better yet, create a bunch of pages. What do you mean you have nothing to create them about? Make a page for your cat, for your new shoes, for your breakfast… come up with something! Invite all your friends to like them. Repost your page status updates on your own timeline.

12. Repost all the pictures everybody else is posting. Like your own posts. Comment on your own posts.

13. Whenever you are uploading photos, make sure to tag each and every person in those photos. In addition to tagging them, you can also try posting about your newly uploaded pictures on the involved person’s timeline.

14. Use every excuse to post on other people’s timelines. Their birthdays are one such excuse but I’m pretty sure if you think of it you will be able to come up with plenty of others.

15. Go beyond Facebook and like the sites your friends are likely to visit often that have a Facebook widget on them – this way they will see your face even outside of Facebook!

Attention deficit - whore's needed

With these tips, you can either end up annoying the hell out of all your Facebook friends – or become super popular! 

 

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